Before I Go
by soulgyrl53
Summary: An imagining of the hours before Mulder's leaving in "Nothing Important Happened Today". Starts with Scully, dealing with her heartache, soon after he went away. Mature content.


**June 27, 10:31 am**

Dana Scully sat at her kitchen table, absent-mindedly stirring a spoon full of honey into her mint tea. She looked at the clock and realized she had been doing this for over three minutes. She took a few sips, sat the cup down, and went into the living room. She stood staring at the door leading to the hallway for several seconds before the sound of a slightly muffled wailing caught her attention.

"William! Mommy's coming, sweetheart."

She picked up the tiny boy and held him close, enfolding him in her embrace.

"There, there…momma's here, darling."

She took her infant son to the living room and settled them both on the couch.

"Are you hungry, my little love," she cooed, exposing her left breast. "Of course you are. Who's a hungry boy? There you go!" She encouraged the infant as he rooted and finally latched on, greedily accepting the life's-milk his mother had to give.

As William fed, Scully's mind raced back to the events of the past couple of days. Her emotions were all over the place; in part, due to the hormonal changes she was experiencing from giving birth, and partly due to the fierce heartache of Mulder leaving….

 **June 26** **th** **, 6:24 pm**

Fox Mulder walked over to the living room window and put his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I just think it's… for the best."

Scully was sitting on a recliner burping William. "Best for whom…me…William…you?"

He continued to stare out the window. "All of us. Scully, you _know_ it's true. As long as I'm around, you're both in danger. I can handle the idea that they might hurt me…but you…and William. That's not a risk I'm willing to take."

Scully stood. "I'm putting William down".

She walked out of the room and Mulder hastily wiped his eyes. This was killing him….tearing the fucking heart right out of him. _Dear god, does she seriously think I_ want _to leave?_

After she had settled William into his crib, Scully came back into the living room and sat on the couch. "Are you going to stand there staring out the damn window all evening, or come over here and talk with me?"

He came and sat next to her. She could see that he had been crying.

"If this is upsetting you so much, then why are you leaving me…us? Mulder, I _need_ you. William…needs you." She dropped her head down as if in defeat.

His heart burned in his chest. He _hated_ this…hated _himself_ for this; hated the _world_ for this. For the millionth time he thought how unfair it all was. How _fucking_ unfair it was to both of them, but mainly for her. Damn the whole shitty thing to hell…she just gave birth for fuck's sake! To her first child, his son… _their son_! She shouldn't have to be going through this. After all these years together, all of the total BS they had endured: the murders of his dad and her sister, his mother's suicide, right down to the open hostility her brother Bill had shown towards him…and on and on…. And now that he must leave her…alone, to face who-the-hell knew what, really? But he definitely believed that she and William were in more danger if he stayed. If they found him and…well…so be it, as long as they left her and the baby alone. It was a sacrifice he was more than willing to make. Not that he wasn't going to do everything in his power to stay both hidden and still find a way to keep in touch with her. Thank god for the internet, he supposed.

"Dana," he lifted her chin to meet him eye to eye. "Please, you _must_ know I would never do this if I didn't feel it was absolutely necessary for you and William's safety."

She answered, but felt it was just robotic, almost like a previously recorded message coming out of her mouth. "I want to understand it, really I do, but I feel like you just made this…decision…without even consulting me. This is _your child_ , Mulder… _your son_! And you just packed up….emptied your apartment, brought you suitcases here… And you won't even tell me where you're…going… _can't_ even tell me! _Damn it,_ Mulder…I want to understand… I do, but…. Oh, _fuck this life!_

And she dissolved…dissolved into his arms and he could hold back no longer. The damn he had erected…that false front he had been sustaining since...well since he had returned to the land of the living really…. it cracked. A deluge of tears and agonized thoughts and fears poured out of him. They clung to each other as though it was their last day together…as indeed it well could be.

* * *

When, at last, all the talk and the immediate feelings were spent, when they came to the mutual understanding that, yes, this was indeed what has to be…must be, they both tip-toed into the baby's room and stood, arms around each other, and gazed with love… _so much love_ …at their son.

 **9 pm**

"So," Scully started, "where do we go…. How…."

He reached over and pulled her to him, claiming her mouth…greedily…hungrily…

"Fox," she began, slightly out of breath, "I'm not sure I can… I mean …it's only been…"

He pressed his index finger to her lips. "Sshhh…. There are other ways… Please…Dana…I need this. I don't know when I'll be back…"

She smiled. "Yes, of course. Alright, yes…."

He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.

"What about William…what if he wakes up and…," the mother in her worried.

"Dana," Mulder stifled a laugh, "he's just a few days old. I don't think that if he hears a little lovemaking between his parents it's going to do him any psychological damage. If he starts crying, well then we'll stop. And besides, what we do….how we do this up to you. I want you…want…something...but don't want you to be uncomfortable."

He laid her on the bed, and carefully, slowly…removed her yoga pants, thoughtfully leaving her silk panties in place, while she pulled her sweatshirt over her head. He noticed the slightly soft flaccidity of her abdomen and loved her all the more for it, knowing it had recently housed their son _. Their_ son! My god, the very thought amazed him to no end. He never _really_ expected to have a child of his own, and, after she was pronounced barren, certainly not with this wonderful, warm, intelligent, _amazing_ woman. Although he knew it was something some secret part of him had long hoped for… Yes, he had prayed for a miracle. It still seemed so surreal.

Scully, looked, rather shyly, into Mulder's eyes before unhooking and removing her bra. Her breasts were full and ripe, with huge copper areolas, the nipples thickened and erect. It was obvious that the difference between her "pre-pregnancy" breast's and the one's she was sporting now was significant.

Mulder felt himself respond immediately. While the sight of her breast's, heavy and dense, excited him immensely, there was also a twinge of thought that it was …wrong, odd (?) to be so turned on by the entities that held the life-substance for his son.

He circled one nipple with his finger and looked questioningly at her. She nodded her assent and he placed his heated tongue upon it, circling the whole areola before taking much of it into his eager mouth. Scully groaned which caused him a split second of concern, but when he realized it was out of pleasure and not pain he increased his efforts.

She reached for him and found his enormously swollen member straining against the cotton fabric of his briefs and she pulled his phallus free from its prison. He let go of her breast and rid himself of the last article of clothing he wore and pulled her on top of him.

He covered her face with gentle kisses. "I'm…not quite sure how to do this….for you I mean."

"Don't worry about me. It's too soon for penetration, but…there are our hands. And my mouth," she said with a devilish grin.

"You've never looked more beautiful to me, Scully. Thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for William."

She slid down his torso, kissing and nipping along the way, sending shockwaves coursing through him.

 _Dear god, she drives me crazy!_

At last she reached his firmness, grasped it in her hand, and allowed her skilled tongue to start working its magic. She ran it up and down the length of his generous shaft, stopping at the tip to flick her tongue across it, eliciting a small stream of pre-cum which she loving accepted. Mulder moaned and entangled his hands in her auburn locks.

"Dear Jesus, Scully, I'm not sure how long I can last."

A small giggle was her reply and she continued on with her administrations, taking as much of him into her mouth as she could, she commenced to lick, suck, and nip…and generally drive Mulder wild with the need for release.

He pulled her up on top of him into a sitting position, and fondled her golden globes.

"Are you sure there's nothing, I can do ...for you?"

"Just love me, Mulder. There'll be another time. I believe that."

He looked at her then, rather impishly she thought, and spoke. "I think there's… something under this pillow, Scully."

She reached her hand underneath his head…and pulled out a tube of KY Jelly.

He feigned innocence. "Now, how did that get there?"

"Wow, you had this all planned out, didn't you?" She couldn't help but laugh, as she squeezed a generous amount into her hand and rubbed it up and down his length.

He pulled her mouth down to meet his once again, and kissed her intensely. He lined her crotch up against his penis, and grabbing her firm ass cheeks, started to thrust his self against her. Surprisingly, Scully felt a jolt of pleasure run through her own sex and moaned softly, enticing Mulder to pull her in a little tighter. Within minutes, he began to feel that tightening and tingling that signaled that his climax was imminent.

"Scully….oh god…I can't… sweet Jesus…" and he exploded against her. His body felt white hot, electrically charged….deeply gratified.

Likewise, Scully was very pleased with the small orgasm she had experienced. True, it wasn't as mind-blowing as it had been with him in the past, but as she really was not expecting to feel…well… _anything_ ….

She rolled off of him and got up to head for the bathroom. "I'll bring a wash cloth and towel."

As if on cue, they heard William start to fuss through the monitor.

"Go ahead with what you were going to do, Scully. I'll get William."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later found the little family snuggled together on the bed, William enjoying the largess his mother had to offer, emitting little baby coos of contentment. Mulder looked with unspeakable love at the two people who meant more to him than anything in the world….the universe….a thousand universes. He only hoped…prayed to whatever god or deity would listen, that he was making the right decision. It nearly ate the soul right out of him to think that he would be missing idyllic times like this. Life had not dealt him, Scully, and William a kind hand, but they would survive. The two of them always did and they would continue to do so with William. Whatever happened, he knew they would both do their damnedest to keep that little miracle safe.

 **June 27** **th** **, 6:03 am**

Scully was sitting in the rocker, once again feeding a hungry baby, when Mulder woke. He gave them both a quick kiss on the cheek and went to make a pot of coffee. When the infant finished eating, Scully joined Mulder in the kitchen. They sat, sipping their drinks, in an uneasy silence, neither exactly sure what more to say. He would be leaving shortly…everything was ready to go, and all words, and pleadings and tears had been dealt with the night before. Scully grabbed both cups and went to put them in the sink and Mulder grabbed her as she walked by, pulling her onto his lap. He took her face in his hands and kissed her long and lovingly. He got up and went to take a shower.

 **7:11 am**

Mulder grabbed the last of his suitcases and carried them to the door. Setting them there, he turned his attention one last time to his son and his lover. He covered the baby's face with tiny kisses and gently whispered for him to be a good boy. And then there was Scully…. He could see the tears forming behind her eyes and tried like hell to hold his own back. Once last kiss, he picked up his bags and was gone.

When he had put the last bag in the back seat of the car, he slid into the driver's seat, started the engine…and broke down once again. He cried bitterly for some time before finally pulling the car out onto the street, feeling as though hell itself was trying to suck the soul right out of him.

 **June 27** **th** **, 10:52 am**

Scully shook herself back to the present and found that William had fallen asleep while nursing. She gingerly disengaged him from her breast, walked cautiously to his room, and tenderly lay him down in his crib. She went into the bathroom… and found Mulder's razor, a t-shirt, and his belt. When she was finished using the toilet, she took the items and put them in her closet. They would be waiting when he returned as she knew he would….someday.


End file.
